Saturday, 19 February 2011


Got a message saying that my smile cheered this girl up and gave her hope about nice people in the world.

As much as it is lovely to say that; she doesn't know me at all and the message for lack of a better word was really creepy. I feel bad for writing this becuase maybe what she was saying was sincere but it's still made me worry.

It's confusing, what the hell am I suppose to say back? No one has ever said anything like this before, and the girl is very young and shouldn't really be saying things like that to someone my age.

It might be completely inncoent and just a compliment but I think me being concerned about it is justified.

Sunday, 30 January 2011

Bad Sunday.

Never really prided myself as someone who always kept trying and never gave up. With a lot of things, everything infact. If it was too hard or too much I wouldn't bother. With the things that needed me to open up or make decisive actions were the worst. I hate leaving myself out in the open. I'm not a risky person unfortunately.

Recently I can't stop thinking about one person. Its horrible and lovely at the same time. Nothing will come of it, because theres no reason why this person would want much to do with me and I don't have the guts to say anything.

I keep on reading fucking quotes over the internet saying all this shit about 'you're young, live without regret' ect ect... but that doesn't make it any easier, just leaves me feeling like a coward.


Sunday, 23 January 2011

Found this photo on tumblr a few days ago. It's amazing.

If you wanted to ask anything,


Booking a holiday today to Croatia with all the guys.

Some changes are happening and going to happen. I have a job now in Bakery on Saturdays that brings in some decent cash.

I'm sick to death of my body, for months and months I've constantly fucked up and feel like a failure. I never take off my shirt on the beach or in the pool so this year I would like to feel that I can and not have to worry about it.

Biscuits and crisps aren't gonna be touched.

Porridge for breakfast and fruit if I'm still hungry.

Fruit for lunch with loads of water to fill me up.

Dinner is what ever is cooked for me. Won't eat it all and I'll eat it slowly.

Get rid of that fucking fat and tone up a bit.

I'm gonna do it. I'm going to slim up, whatever the cost.


Accepting compliments only makes me feel even more paranoid, like they're joking. I refuse to say thankyou.