Friday, 17 December 2010

Alice fucking Glass

The love I have for this woman.

Christmas Break

Finished school today, and the coursework that was seven weeks late. Finally on track, more or less anyway.

I walked out of school listening to Nirvana while it was snowing. I have a good feeling about this holiday.

Tuesday, 7 December 2010

Home is where someone is thinking about you

- Naruto

Better late than Never

Just wanted to give you a monumental 'fuck you' for wasting my time and then going on to treating me like an inconvenience. I don't wish sadness or misfortune on anyone, but I'm really fucking happy your relationship didn't work out for you. Why did I care for so long?

I can't believe I havn't said this till now.


Beech like the Tree

Monday, 6 December 2010


I'm in this strange place again.

Maybe it's winter or something. I realise I havn't posted in ages and to be honest I can't even give you a good enough reason.

I originally thought that idendity was something you discovered through experience and to some extent that's correct. Recently I realised that idendity is nothing but an image, a persona that you project in the space you fill. I can be whoever the fuck I want to be. I still feel lost, but I've never been so happy to explore in all my pathetic life. I'm happier than I ever have been before. I have the best friends and so much to look forward to.

It feels good to write again.

Thursday, 24 June 2010


I thought I would upload a pic of myself, as no one knows what I look like, which was a good and bad thing.


Wednesday, 23 June 2010


I'm gonna call her 'M' girl.

Cos' it will be secret and all bloggy (bloggy? wtf). pahahaha.. shutup sam.

but yeah
'Hiiii M I think I like you, and stuff... I'm genuinely sorry'

This is all very early.

You watch next week, I'll be all hopeless and sad again.


Haaa I couldn't insult you if I tried.
Buttt you still make me sick with envy. idbcihebvclibcbyhi.

Begining of the End

I have finished my exams.

That feels so good to write and think about.

The pessimism/optimism kicks in again however, I'll probably have to retake some, not all of them went as well as I'd hoped for. Heyho.


I will be studying love in literature. Fuck it, I'm well exited.

Sunday, 23 May 2010

Rare Bonding

Yesterday I agreed to paint our veranda/decking for some money.

My dad helped me, and it was wierd because, me and my dad don't really ever talk. I wasn't sure what to say half the time.. a very strange afternoon.

I should of been doing revision, but my dad mentioned a 'financial gain' so automatically I threw the text books on the floor and rushed to the decking to lather it in paint.

My father and I have agreed to make a new landscape pond in the near future, as the one we have looks very unnatural and out of place.

I was thinking something like this in my head, but the reality is probably something I lot less appeasing to the eye, knowing my dads tastes anyway.

I'm still exited though.

Wednesday, 19 May 2010

Let the Flames Begin

I can't wait for the exams to finish.

Especially the English Literature ones, all this war Poetry is getting my down. It ranges from the odd bit of blood and guts to depression with a hint of reluctant nationalism.

The next theme is 'Love through the Ages' which does actually sound quite awful, but a little part of me, not sure how much of me, is sure that I'm going to enjoy it.

I have to read 'The Great Gatsby' and all these other classics, I can't wait.

Sunday, 16 May 2010


A Day Out

Yesterday started with a session of revision for my upcoming exam on monday, what I should be doing at present...

I then went to Camden Town, met with Daniel and Oliver; two close friends and started the search for a denim jacket. I looked in all the high street shops, couldn't find anything, so we went to the Stables market, prestigeous for its vintage clothes. I walked into this husky, cramped looking shop; the smell of old worn leather and timeless fabric hit me instantly. We're looking around, browsing at the endless racks of clothes when we come across a whole section dedicated to denim jackets. I tried some of them on, some far to big and not ragged enough, then tucked in behind some of the ones we pulled out, a Levis denim jacket came to view. I tried it on instantly and was pleasantly surprised to see it fit nicely. This was the awful bit, I was expecting to see a ridiculous three figure price tag; but it was only 25 pound. Purchased it immediately with some help from Danile for the cash. One of my favourite pieces of clothing.

I also bought a new ear stretcher, made of bone. I went from a 2.26mm stretcher to a 4mm. On my way to 6mm.

Starbucks was the next stop, Oliver bought one of those ice/coffee things, his first sip and smile of pure content was awesome.

The shisha bar in Finchely Central was our next location and jam for the evening. We got there and some more people joined us. God knows why, but the bar we were at was having a 'Polish Party' we didn't feel inclined to stay at all, so we all left; about 7 of us and walked to find somewhere to go. We ended up in this bar in the middle of no where with some orange shisha and turkish tea. Turned out to be a really nice evening. Me and Daniel walked home from Finchely Central which took us about an hour, I still don't know what made us want to walk home, but hey, was a really good day.

Friday, 14 May 2010

Emotional Momentum

The feeling of moving on. Closing a chapter and exited to start a new one.

This evening I went to the fields to see some friends, the sprayers used to water the grass had been turned on around 10 o'clock for some strange reason. The urge to jump through the massive fan of liquid overtook me.

Nothing felt more liberating and refreshing. I felt good, as if the random impulse has shaken up a newer feeling of freedom.

I did however have to walk home completely drenched.. and I ruined by deck shoes. ha.

Midnight Musings

Yesterday night, I was awake in bed again because sleep just doesn't seem to settle in my head. My room was quite dark, I could see the main features of my room vaguely; the book shelf, some of the posters, the messy wardrobe.

There was torch that was within reach, so I grabbed it and turned it on. I've never realised this before but everywhere the torch wasn't shining, all the other places seemed to get darker. The only way I could see the massive poster collage was by shining the torch on it.

Weird little image there. I could see those pieces of furniture in a pale glimmer, but as soon as I lighted the torch, the room got darker except for that beam of light coming from my hands..

I should really head off to school. I'm awfully late..

Thursday, 13 May 2010

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

Catch me Quick

It's my Fault

Today I spent the majority priting out random pieces of work for a deadline thats been staring me in the face for months.

I have mentally prepared myself for the worst outcome, but this awful sense of fragile hope still lingers, keeping me from thinking straight.

I want it to go, I dont wanna care about something then fail at it. Somehting that seems to happen to often. It's all my fault, I just don't have any motivation.

It's just a bunch of fucking graphics coursework. The blase attitude doesn't suit me in the academic sense. I wan't to learn to not care.

Exams are kicking i'm, and I still not in gear. Need to get my act sorted. Very soon too.

Monday, 10 May 2010

Sunday, 9 May 2010

I am not Young enough to know Everything

-Oscar Wilde

Skull Jumper

I'm gonna try make my own.


I really really really want a tattoo like this..

A place called Home

I wanted something I could make my own; with thoughts, feelings, pictures and even the odd rant or too. Throw in the odd scribbles I tend to jot down. Why not?
This will mark a new start. Shed the old Sam off and reinvent myself. This might sound stupid, but even something as futile as a mere blog, means so much more here in front of the screen.
Maybe after a little while, I’ll see me in the mirror for once and not the facade thats glued onto my being.
I just sound like another teenager hunting his idendity. Oh well.